Place the nutritional yeast in a mortar and pestle and grind it into a fine powder—this prevents those little flakes that scream "health food store pasta." Mix the ground nutritional yeast with the miso paste in a medium bowl. If using cornstarch (and honestly, just use it your first few times), whisk it with 2 tablespoons cold water until smooth and add to the yeast mixture. Set aside.

Heat a dry pan over medium heat. Add whole peppercorns and toast for 30-45 seconds until you can smell them—that aromatic moment when your kitchen smells like a Roman trattoria. Transfer to a mortar and pestle and crush coarsely. You want texture here, not dust.

Cook the pasta strategically

Here's where most recipes fail you: fill a large pot with just enough water to cover the pasta by about 2 inches. Less water means more concentrated starch, which is your emulsification insurance policy. Salt it generously and bring to a boil.

Add pasta and cook for 2 minutes less than package directions (timing varies by brand—taste for firmness). Before draining, ladle out 2 cups of that starchy liquid gold. This isn't just pasta water—it's your sauce base.

Drain the pasta and let it sit for exactly 30 seconds—this brings the temperature down from clumpy disaster zone to creamy sweet spot. Add the pasta back to the pot (off heat) with the vegan butter and crushed pepper. Toss for 30 seconds.

Now the magic: add 1/2 cup pasta water to your nutritional yeast mixture and whisk into a thick paste. Pour this over the pasta and toss vigorously, adding more pasta water a splash at a time until you get that glossy, clingy sauce that ribbons off the pasta when you lift it. The whole process should take about 90 seconds of continuous tossing—think of it as your pasta workout.

And I mean immediately. This isn't a dish that waits. Divide among bowls, hit it with more black pepper and vegan parm if using, and watch people's faces change when they realize plants can do this.